Will I make it to heaven?

43e39040Ever asked that question? I have probably asked that question more as a Christian than when I wasn’t a Christian. I don’t know why that is. Perhaps it’s my perfectionism or my continual need to understand God and His grace.

Some of my lowest times have been when I look at the road ahead of me and doubt whether I can get through life as a faithful Christian. I seem to always make a mess of things. Then I wind up in a downward spiral of self-loathing, absolutely sure the world would be much better without me.

Some years ago I asked God why He even had me here anymore. Once again, I had made some stupid decisions and a world of drama encircled me. I had no one to blame but myself but I still couldn’t help but question God and His faithfulness. “I clearly suck at life. What if I screw everything up and then don’t make it to heaven? Why don’t you just take me now? Take me now. At least I would go to heaven.”

Not my finest moment.

I can’t recall how long after this prayer (a day or week maybe) I got into a serious car accident. My friends and I were traveling across the state on a sunny day. It must have rained earlier because on the freeway stood a rather large puddle. We hit the puddle and hydroplaned. Taking numerous spins on and off the freeway, we ended up getting t-boned by a large truck pulling a fifth-wheel. It could have  been the last day of my life.

That night I couldn’t sleep and it dawned on me the prayer that I had, not more than a week earlier, prayed that my life could end.

It very well could have that day on the interstate, but He didn’t take me. I had just challenged God about taking my life and when a clear opportunity came, He chose to protect me. This made me think that He had other plans and the “mess” I thought was so bad, wasn’t too big for Him. He can and will get me through.

From that point on, I’ve tried really hard not to question God about whether I can make it to heaven. I can’t. I don’t contain the power to persevere. But He is faithful and will help me get to heaven. In fact, He’s my only hope!

So on this Christmas, I am thanking God for the birth of Jesus. He made a way, a link to Him. He provides the power to persevere and it is sure.

May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful, and he will do it.  1 Thessalonians 5:23-24

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